Categories
poetry

Next summer


The water pools under her dirty feet
Dark and clay-like they sink further into the murky deep
“Stick to me like glue , “she thinks
There’s always next summer to get you clean
The water swirls in her dirty sink
I’ve been washing these hands for years it seems
The cracks are trials of yet another week
But there’s always next summer to get you clean
The water ebbs at her bended knees
I’ve been waiting on them for decades in silent plea
So stiff and weary from years of no belief
There’s always next summer to get you clean
The water flows in the swollen creek
No boulders trapping it’s fast release
Just the sharp, jagged edges of it’s furious relief
And there is always next summer to get you clean
Categories
entertainment fiction humor short story

NYE


Today’s forecast is brought to you by ”Chips Fine Foods” who want to be your first choice for gourmet cuisine ”.

“What do you have for our weather, John? I hope not more of the same because frankly, it has sucked .”

“I hear you, Jim! And fingers crossed it’s going to be a beautiful next few days with sunny skies, light southerly winds and –
-wait for it – because this is exciting, – plenty of oxygen with a low chance of dying by alien attacks. John, that is exciting! I don’t know how you do it but that’s an outstanding weather outlook for our viewers. “. “Everyone watching at home, let’s give a shout out to John for the great news!


Channel 6 is experiencing technical difficulties at the moment but will be right back as soon as possible.





“Janice? Are you watching the news? That weatherman with the fabulous hair and glowing skin was giving the most pleasant conditions you could ever imagine and then poof – I kid you not – he disappeared! Yes! I saw it too! Just a puff of smoke before he vanished..actually, it did seem his forecast is wrong now that you mention it .”


“What? I hope not. We can’t lose anymore weatherman, that would be our 5th one this year. Yes, I agree with you, haha but it’s something that you would have been used to doing the weather forecast, it just boggles my mind how much they can be wrong and get away with it. Can you imagine how long I would’ve gotten away with being right only 45 percent of the time? Yes, I agree that humans have too many fingers and toes and they don’t need all of them but you try telling them that. “


“Hello? Dan, here returning your call. I am sorry to hear that you were abducted by aliens but you still are expected to be here on time for work tonight. That’s not an excused absence- I have a business to run and if I let you miss a day for that, I’d have to let everyone do it. I have no doubt you will figure out how to handle the situation and I’ll see you tonight with bells on. “


“Dad? I guess you got the message that I got sent to the principal’s office and.. you didn’t? Oh well, it’s not really a big deal and I’m really calling to tell you that I’m not going back to school this morning. Why? Well, it’s the weirdest thing. I’ve been abducted by aliens. Dad. I know you said I would be grounded for eternity if I made up another abduction to skip chores but I’m not lying about it. It’s for real this time and it’s looking like I am not doing chores for a very long time.”


“Yes, has my husband been in the office today? He’s not answering my calls. No, I’m not going to call the motel and see if he’s there. I already drove by and his truck wasn’t in the parking lot. Actually, no vehicles were there now that I think about it .”


“Karen, are we still on for the party tonight at the club? Oh ok, well, don’t breathe too deeply honey and I’m sure you will be fine. Yes, I suppose you need to stay inside and rest if you’re already wheezing. Too bad you are going to miss out on the hot guy I wanted to introduce to you too. He’s not a space cadet loser like we’re used to eating .”


“911. What’s your emergency? “

“Yes. I’m not sure. “

“Ma’am is there something wrong?“

“Well, there’s a lot wrong but I’m not sure where to start .”

“Ma’am, do you need an ambulance or something? Are you bleeding to death? On fire? Spontaneously combusting or about to? “


“Can’t you hear that? “


“Ma’am, please state your emergency.? “


“Well there is, I know it sounds crazy but there’s a spaceship above my house. “


“Ma’am, you’ll have to call the “not a real emergency number “for all and any other problems that human society considers life-threatening except for the three previously stated. All planetary issues including atmospheric conditions, oxygen suffocation and hydrocephalus caused by parasites or other organisms as well as alien abductions – they are handled by another department. “


“… I can send you an informative pamphlet that will help you figure out if you have an actual emergency or are just wasting our time .”


Now back to the guys who know it all (except for the weather )…..


” Good evening, Jim. It’s a glorious oxygen-depleted day outside with high levels of hydrogen, little to no carbon dioxide…
and unless you are one of the few hundred people who have been beamed up by Scotty or one of the sensitive ones who need the atmosphere of a habitable planet,
It looks to be a great night to ring in the new year. Do you have any big plans, Jim?”
Yes, but it’s up in the air at the moment John so let’s check in with Sam who is keeping an eye on the skies as this evening gets started.”

Greetings to my friends and family from Eye in the Sky Live and it’s also the last time you’ll see me this year if you didn’t know that already. Traffic is light this evening and I’m going to guess that most people are staying home tonight due to the weather .”

”Gladys, are you watching the news by any chance? Well, I see. Sorry to hear about your herd of cows but this is the end of the world as we know it. Oh no, you didn’t mention that Fred was also taken by the same ship – are you sad about the cows or sad that Fred was abducted?
I would definitely agree that the cows were more than adorable Yes, I totally agree that Fred was a jerk…

It’s time to count down to the new year … and alien with the new out with the ol …Oklahoma sky ..”


”Is someone going to tell him those aren’t the right words to the song, noooooo?
Oh no , I’m, signing off.”  

The End 

  
 

Categories
Lifestyle

Mascara


Ugly cried today

Twice but not three

Face in the mirror

Twisted with dark streaks

Put it all on me

Extra thick like

Just like you hate it

I hate it

What a waste

Of high end mascara

You’ll always be

Categories
Lifestyle

Black Water


I would say I hate you

but I hate me more

I drained the bath water then dove headfirst

into remiss or a longing that’s called

a nightmare , the abyss

I siphoned the filth out of my weeping lungs

and choked on my bitter tongue

With that violent chasm

I sputtered half dead

and drowned the last little bit of sad

the proverbial baby and all that jazz

out with the dirty wash I thought you ‘d go

but then I heard you snoring  or wheezing or maybe reeling

as I rolled over and smothered that thought

of missing your lips and crushed that last regress

hard pressed though

to shed a tear this time

the wound it’s just too old

with now stone cold fingertips,

I  brushed  you off

then finally ,you go

Auvoir, kiss, kiss and

Away…then

You’re gone

 

 

Categories
Lifestyle

Just Leave


It hit me like a brick mess it ran red like that just too quick

when you called me out

for catching the feels

you said

You hated it for me

made yourself leave

but I told you didn’t I

What it was about to be

can I still be

Still be kinda sorry

That it got weird the

instant you stayed

and I kind of liked it

I mean I liked you

Before …

when you’d leave

Categories
Lifestyle

Pick up the almighty pen and focus on writing, damn it !


I feel like you need this post. I feel like I need this post. Maybe I just want to feel like I saved you, just like the guy in a Taylor Swift song. Whatever the reason, the fact remains the same : Friends don’t let friends write while distracted. Read on and if nothing else, humor me.

I am a distracted writer. It’s the reason I haven’t written lately. I’m so distracted by anything going on around me that I get absolutely nothing down on paper. The simple journey from my brain to the outside world is made into a death-spiraling vortex of nothingness because I get distracted. Then before I know it, it’s like I drank from the waters of the Lethe because I don’t remember what inspired me. Today ,I am changing that because I’m writing a post from start to finish without stopping. Just to let my number one enemy in being productive know that it’s over.I’ll call it the Kanye of writing. Here’s my do’s and don’ts to stop this madness and get to what you love -Writing.

We have all been there. No matter what your intentions were this morning or at midnight, remember that the road to hell was paved with good ones, too. Great thoughts are easily lost in space when you let yourself be interrupted by another person, place or thing. The following phrases are my mantra for these problems. I’d say they were tried and true but in all reality, I just thought of them.

Don’t be a Kanye and let Taylor finish. Don’t be a Taylor and let Kanye interrupt.
Above video clip : Taylor Swift playing the part of you ,the writer and Kanye West as the distraction or reason you can’t write.
Now how do you do this, you ask? It’s easy. Channel your inner Ozzy and shut yourself in the pantry -only do it intentionally. For you young ones out there, check the clip out below and you’ll get it, I promise. Actually the following may or may not contain the memorable scene as I got distracted while looking for it and this is a post about fighting writing distraction. In any case, the message is the same. Put your phone up. Put your dog up. Put your kids up. Put your husband up. Or put yourself up.  
Be an Ozzy and remember why you are in the pantry.

Don’t be a Sharon and let Ozzy out of the pantry.

Now, I admit the pantry might not be the best place to find solitude. I prefer my shut yourself walk-in closet, with its comforting plush carpet and racks of beautiful designer shoes and purses. What did you expect from me? Sorry, I let Kim Kardashian take over my thoughts for a second.
Photo by shattha pilabut on Pexels.com
The point is that you need solitude and that place can be anywhere you can find it. Next let’s address those two words that bring a shudder of knowing empathy and horror to writers everywhere, Writer’s Block. I’ve struggled with this mainly because I let myself. I thought I was supposed to have it. At least occasionally. So I invited it. Like Jonathan Harker walking into Dracula’s castle, I entered the portal to writer’s block freely and of my own will. I’m telling you that you don’t have to allow this bloodletting. So put the term writers’ block out of your mind by using whatever form of mental garlic that is effective for you. For me, it’s word prompts weekly writing challenges or even crossword puzzles. These instantly stimulate me, and I feel like I have become a better writer from them as well. Next, and an essential part of the process for me is to be constant and consistent in the writing process. This goes back to the distraction issue. Writing time is not the time to use new writing software or a program that you are just learning. If you are struggling, stick with one that you feel comfortable with or go back to what you started writing your blog posts on in the beginning. I started my blog over a year ago on my iPhone, and I’m finishing this post on it now. I’ll go back and edit on my laptop, but writing on my phone stops me from trying to edit as I write. What was that, you cry? You said to put your phone up. I meant you need to limit the distractions and focus. You get the gist so stop being so literal and listen to my last bit of basic af knowledge already. Sometimes the most crucial for me at least is to take a break from all things deemed social media every once and a while. I just did this, and it seems to have rejuvenated me. Hopefully, it lasts. If not, then I will retreat to my pantry/ closet with none to distract me, do some wordy things like prompts and challenges, and I almost forgot – take a favorite book with me. When all else fails, reading a favorite book is the cure for the non -writing blues.
Photo by Pixabay on Pexels.com
I love to hear from my readers. What are some of your go-to, favorite books? Leave them in the comments section below! If you couldn’t tell, one of mine is Bram Stoker’s Dracula. Until next time, thanks for reading and subscribing to my blog!
Categories
fiction humor Lifestyle

Marie Antoinette’s Foibles Ala Versailles:Learning to be A Frenchy


Previously on My Fabulous Teenage Life As Archduchess of Austria, I received the news that I am betrothed to the grandson of Louis XV, whose court at Versailles is said to be the most wicked court in the world.

My future husband and French hottie…

I know that you are already asking…

Am I bored already?

Well, to answer that question, not yet. I’ve been busy and productive. You see , I have been keeping a close diary of sorts. You know, of my sudden shot to celebrity status here in Vienna, Austria and all. I have been informed of my status. And that is – as I prepare for the French Austrian alliance, (of which my marriage to the grandson of King Louis XV is the crowning jewel ) that I am the one who is in charge of securing the Hapsburg dynasty. No big deal, right?

”I’m not sure how to spell out disaster any clearer but hey…did I mention that I’m charming and a hell of a dancer? ”- Marie Antoinette

It is a little stressful for me to be the best way to secure the longevity of one of the most important empires , (actually the only way ) so I do whatever other prepubescent heirs of supreme leaders throughout history do :

I scribble pretend letters to the next king in the Bourbon line of the most scandalous court in the world.

Dearest and soon to be beloved husband, I am happy to be able to practice dancing and music as part of my education to leave for France. I am quite sure that I will represent my country well. I am a natural at both. I am not sure it is etiquette to be boastful but I am also charming and graceful, I have a pleasing disposition and am light on my feet. This is what I have overheard. So I just am repeating lest you think I’m a vain, conceited braggart. I have been using French only at home to improve my use of my new language. I hope I improve as I have been working very hard to make a good impression on my new family. I am so happy to be your most affectionate and faithful, Marie A.

Today, I am a bit saddened by the news that I am not going to share lessons with Caroline anymore. I am to have a separate tutor from now on. I need special attention it seems. Dear mama has been in a constant state of anxious pecking and prodding as well as constantly reminding me of my duty to Austria that comes with my marriage. The importance of this alliance seems to rest solely on my own shoulders. I am a bit frightened by her intensity!

As the time of my departure to France nears, the first step in assuming the role of French Dauphine and future Queen is to renounce my own claim to the Holy Roman Empire. It seems that I go to France as a pauper with nothing of my own, but I don’t let that bother me at the young age of 14.

Marie Therese, the mother of Marie Antoinette, was Empress to the Holy Roman Empire due to the reformation of Salic Law by her father Charles VI, prior to her birth. This Reformation meant that females in their own right could succeed to the throne, ensuring that the monarchy would continue in the event of no male heir. Even though it was highly unlikely, as Marie Antoinette was the youngest daughter of 16 (only 9 of her siblings survived past the age of 18), the future Queen of France could have inherited the Austrian throne. Therefore, Marie Antoinette was required to renounce this claim to the Hapsburg dynasty prior to marriage.

So just like that and just like every other girl who is moving away from home to get married, I sign away my revered and prominent bloodline in the name of the monarchy, get hitched to a pimply and shy stranger the very next day and lose part of my soul. Now, I am French, with no dog, and bored to tears. I miss my mother, my best friend and sister Caroline and I have to speak to people I don’t like. Now you tell me, is this what I signed up for?

I don’t think so.