Rumor has it that the groundhog famous for seeing or not seeing his shadow has entered the witness protection program.Not really of course but I got your attention, didn’t I? It’s late February in Texas and if you don’t know what that means, it’s your lucky day. I’m going to tell you. It means the weather has no clue what it is doing until it does it. Tuesday and Wednesday were really warm and windy. A lot of dust and that meant it was time to plant some flowers. Haha, wrong. Typical springtime here and it was lovely, except for 40 mph wind gusts. That’s not unusual for us Texans.
We have big hair for a reason. That reason being it’s a windbreak. We sell lots of extra firm hairspray to protect our property- aka our wind-breaking hair. None of this is found in travel guides or destination shows but the real tips for visiting a new place come from the locals. So, now you know.
Back to the weather and Thursday’s forecast. It’s cold and rain is predicted. Out go my golf plans. Thanks a lot, Mother Nature. You need medication for your moody self. I’d share but you’re making me crazy with your crazy.
On most days, I don’t even look at the weather online or on television. It makes me a little angry and I feel undervalued in my profession to see well-heeled and attractive people playing roulette with the climate gods. I don’t get to be wrong at my job. Do you?Oops , you needed a heart stint not a leg brace !
I’d rather guess my own high and low temperatures. It makes it more fun, like a Vegas slot machine. I got the bonus ? Wow , thanks ! Guess what ? I won a freak tornado that is about to rip through my house .
With Texas weather, I would rather not have the weather channel tell me it’ll be sunny and perfect all day until it isn’t.
So back to my headline stunner. I lied. The groundhog is currently on a vacation to Cancun and the fat, furry lying jerk who needs a new job because “guessing if winter is over is not his strong suit “ is living his best life. I’m going to be the first one to say he needs to hide. We have too many people in this country on the payroll who don’t deserve a check so Phil needs to be fired. He might already have been . I heard a gunshot early this morning. I assumed it was at a hog but that groundhog is pretty big …