Panic at the Cardio

Scene: At the hospital. Waiting on calcium cardiac score test .  I down the last of my vodka with just a splash of OJ.  Just kidding.  I always put it in my coffee.
I’m not having the test . I should have specified that from the beginning. It’s my husband that’s having it.
My husband is the only one who has ever had one besides …everyone else who has ever had one. Naturally, we are terrified.
He is not a happy camper. He is grumpy. Oh wait… that’s putting it nicely. He’s not in a good mood. See how charitable I’m being? He is really ,really HORRIBLE.  AND….
Suddenly I can’t read. That’s what he said.
I was illiterate . His words exactly.
It’s not even my fault that google maps took us to the United Way , this was obviously not the hospital .I know I put the correct address in.  I  just put on my best “bless your heart” face and do some imaginary yoga.
The reason for my sugar sweet demeanor was not because that is my normal . I don’t like being fake nice . Because that is ugly . God knows what I’m really thinking and he doesn’t like hypocrites. At least I think he doesn’t.
I’m keeping it calm because he doesn’t need to be stressed out more than he already is. I feel his pain on a cellular level.
Secretly I worry and blame myself for any and all issues regarding his health and sanity.
http://www.urbandictionary.com/define.php?term=extra&utm_source=search-
Back to my whining.
Existentially  , I am just supposed to be silent, present and all knowing. Basically just like God.  The three O”s . I remember them like a chant from Christian school . Omnipotent,  omnipotent and omnipresent. I don’t say a word. That was really hard.
Back to the point of today’s blog.  There really isn’t one.
I guess this morning has been like an epiphany to me . EVERYONE gets old .  That means…even me.
Wait … WHAT?!?! I’m getting old ?!Time to get my will in order . I mean willpower. Climb mountains, surf the shark ridden waters of Australia and start monthly facelifts.
Or just eat chocolate.

Published by amylasater

And like a celebrity, I'm just like everyone else... I hope my readers will find my blog relatable to the idiosyncrasies , craziness and flaws that we all have. If you are perfect, I'm sorry and congratulations .This might not be the feeble attempt at a blog for you .PLEASE email me and give me your secret. It will save me a lot writing . I just read a piece about how my authors “ about me “page is probably boring everyone to death. I have always had a lot to say but my first claim to fame was in Eighth grade when one of my teachers read a story I had written to the class. I don’t remember what exactly it was about but the first sentence was “Coma. Unconscious. “. You see where I am going with this. My classmates were in awe. I was an instant star and most likely to write a book . And yet , here I am : boring you to death without a best seller . I need to change that.

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